The Practice: Hanging In There When We Think We Can’t Anymore

Have you noticed that there’s an intense pulsation going on within this shutdown?  It’s something I've experienced many times in meditation retreats, but usually not in everyday life. It shows up as a crushing sensation—like, I can’t take the loss of “regular” life anymore, I just can’t do it; let me off this roller coaster NOW.  It’s unbearable grief: I miss seeing my loved ones, using my passport, I feel angry there’s no end in sight, no unified approach to move this country forward, and no way to protect us. I’m so afraid for the most vulnerable. I feel literally crushed by these feelings. 

And then, if I’m lucky, at some point, I remember—I can let go. I can let off my hopes and expectations, I can let go of trying to control a situation that I can’t. In fact, my hope and expectations have to die if I’m going to be able to breathe. Letting go isn’t easy, it’s a process that involves all the stages of grief: denial, anger, sadness, and finally acceptance. I accept my own powerlessness.  Whew.  And then…I’ve found…a few hours, days, or weeks later I start the whole process again!

We are all being transformed faster than ever by these intense and challenging times.  How many times a day do I need to remember I don’t have control?  Apparently a lot.

What helps?  Maybe you have friends you call, a playlist that helps, or a walk you go on.  Maybe you take an online yoga class.  I turn to meditation, spiritual reading, teaching, swimming, and yoga.  

I’ve heard the phrase “Times like this are why we practice” and I believe we are indeed in one of those times.  One thing we can get better at is “hanging in there when we think we can’t anymore”.  

I wanted to put it out there though that it's OK, and even normal, to not be able to “hold yourself together”.  AND, it’s part of the process of growth and growth is often work.

It’s totally possible to move through this pandemic consciously, letting go of our old identity and stepping into our own evolution and transformation.  It’s possible, but it’s SO not easy!!

Can you relate?  Let me know, email, or DM me.